theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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