your room smells of hookers.
And success
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
