their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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