apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
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