I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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