i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
