Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize