I got chris browned last night
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
