1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
