i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
