I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Too much gin, very little bucket
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
We are two peas in an std pod
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
