My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
