So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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