you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
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