literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Shitshow foam night was such a success
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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