so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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