I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
