I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
