Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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