Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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