So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
