can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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