Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
