Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
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