You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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