Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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