I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
