Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
