so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Randomize
