Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
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