Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
