HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
