Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
