That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
