Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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