I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
