Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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