Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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