i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Last time i carry you out of a forest
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize