I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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