He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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