those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
