Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
