If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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