I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize