I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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