Got a toothbrush?
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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