How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
