Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
it's like iHOP with fire
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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