oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
