I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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