he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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