If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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