The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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