glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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