You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
