I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
A bitchslap is in order.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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