Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
