There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize