My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
