BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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