My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize