someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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