i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
His hands were made for my vagina.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
