I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
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